Solo Parent Travel & Sensory Issues
Blue Lagoon, Hong Island, Krabi, Thailand.
After scouring the internet for weeks to find the “best” tickets, I finally booked our flight to Thailand for April. I’d been wanting to go to Asia (Vietnam, in particular) for quite some time, but never found the “perfect time”. Well, I realized that waiting for the perfect time might not happen, so I needed to take action and just do it! I decided to go to Thailand because it’s known to be a family-friendly destination for younger children.
My son was excited about the trip - I showed him photos and videos of Thailand, he was particularly intrigued by the Buddhist temples and all the Buddhas in the photos. I was happy that he was so eager and also secretly questioning whether it was a good decision for us to go. Although my son is very curious and likes to travel, he has sensory issues which play an important part of our lives, especially within the last year. I am also a solo parent, so I wasn’t sure if it would be too much for both of us. For him, the sensory overload and for me, managing the triggers!
We ended up loving Thailand and having a really great time - I’m really happy that I took a chance. There were some challenging and stressful times, but we were able to manage. I’ve decided that I wanted to open up and write about this experience because the topic of solo parent traveling with a child with sensory issues (diagnosed or not) isn’t something that I come across often. It’s not a unique experience, but it does present some challenges and considerations in trip planning - from long haul flights, waiting in lines at customs to sleeping in new places, eating new foods, and much more. Everything requires forethought and usually a plan B.
Our First Big Trip
I took my son on a couple of shorter trips prior to this one. Last year, we went to Oaxaca, Mexico and then to Seattle for a wedding. I like to say that both of these trips prepared us for our long-haul flight to Thailand, because we experienced very, very long delays and flight changes for both trips (including a change in destination for one of them). I’m not sure how we managed, but we did.
The difference with these trips was that I was with friends for most of the time during these trips, excluding the flights. In Thailand, I would be completely “alone” the whole time in a country where I have no personal connections and I can’t speak the language(s). Honestly, I wasn't too concerned because I’ve raised my son all by myself, so I’m very comfortable with being alone. In any case, I really wanted to get out of my comfort zone and have a new adventure with my son!
Doing Things Differently
For me, travel has always been about adventure and cultural immersion. I’ve been to places in Europe, Central America, South America, and Africa. Most of the time, I've lived in communities, stayed with friends that I live there or locals that I’ve met during my travels. I usually don’t plan that much and most of the time, I travel alone. I knew traveling with a child would be a new experience because obviously, I don’t have the same amount of freedom, flexibility, and safety is now a top priority. I also knew that having a child would not stop me from adventurous traveling - I would just do it differently.
Our trip to Thailand involved much more planning and structure. I had created a pretty complete daily itinerary, which included traveling to the north and the south of Thailand, as well as a contingency plan in case we missed our flight to Bangkok from Tokyo (spoiler alert: it happened!).
Trip Planning for Sensory Issues
I wanted to see as much of Thailand as I could in two weeks - so I planned a mix of cultural and kids activities in the city, day trips to the jungle, and beach time. We didn’t stay at any hostels or cheap seedy hotels (have many good stories from these sorts of places!), we walked a lot less than usual, and stayed in more touristy areas (not my favourite thing). Most of my decisions about where to stay and what to do revolved around time, convenience, comfort, and safety. Although, I love going off the beaten trail and to remote areas, it just wasn’t practical or interesting to do with alone with a 5 year old! I accepted that traveling with a kid can feel restrictive in some ways, but it can still be exciting and a lot of fun. I think my favourite part was witnessing my son’s marvel at all the new sights, sounds, people and how much it triggered his creativity and imagination.
The Difficult Part
The hardest part about our trip was the sensory overload and overwhelm my child experienced, even with careful planning. In preparation for our trip, I had read and skimmed many family travel blogs, but what I realized in hindsight is that nothing that I read was geared towards children who are neurodiverse, have sensory processing issues, or other special needs.
How did I leave out this type of planning? Well, the truth is, my planning was based on what I thought my son could or could not handle. I focused on activities that I know he would like (anything related to marine life, snakes and other reptiles), limiting time spent in crowds, avoiding “child-friendly” hotels and opting for quiet hotels (less noise, fewer kids) with clean and spacious pools, so that he has space to swim, undisturbed. I prepared him for some of the predictable things (long flight, layovers, daily schedules, etc.) but maybe not enough for other things, like the food, busy markets, and the Thai New Year. To be fair though, travels involves a good dose of unpredictability that you can’t always be prepared for!
To protect my child’s privacy, I won’t share specific details about him besides the fact that he has sensory issues, and we will be getting professional help soon. I wasn’t even sure that I wanted to write share this private information about him publicly, however I also felt like this is an issue that many parents have to navigate and it can be really difficult, even when well-prepared.
In our day to day life, I find myself having to explain my son’s behaviours and reactions to certain things, why I allow some things, and not others, or why I choose to do things certain ways. Of course, parents and non-parents are judgemental, but it is often because they make assumptions or don’t understand.
I probably don’t need to provide explanations, at the same time, I feel as though it is important to create awareness and also more compassion for children, like my son, who have different set of needs. Their brains work differently and that’s okay - no need to pity them. For me, it’s about adapting to their needs, finding alternatives, and tapping into their brilliance.
Traveling with Children with Special Needs
When I started to look into solo parent travel and neurodivergence, I didn’t find much. I read a statistic that over 90% of parents with children who are neurodiverse do not travel. I totally get it, because it’s just easier to stay home or not go to certain places because it’s so stressful and hardly any fun at all.
If people were more informed about how neurodiversity and/or sensory issues can present in children, they might be more compassionate. This might encourage parents (and of course the children) to feel more comfortable participating in various activities or going to new places (because they would be received with understanding and care, instead of judgement).
At the same time, I think there needs to be more mainstream conversations, education, awareness around what it can look like traveling with children who are neurodiverse and/or who have sensory processing issues, including those who don’t appear like they have access needs (like “high functioning people on the spectrum, as much as I don’t like that term). Perhaps it is already happening but I’m not aware - I’m very new to this and I have so much to learn. I do know there are programs like TSA Cares in the US and some autism-certified cities and museums.
Solo Parent Travel
I think for me, the desire to see more of the world, to disconnect, and also expose him to different cultures outweighed the fear and stress of things going left. Also, the fact that I was choosing a destination that is very tourist-friendly and safe for solo women travelers was a big stress reliever.
Over the next few blogs, I wanted to share some of the challenges of traveling with a child with sensory issues - what I did, what I didn’t do, and what I want to do better next time. As much as I don’t enjoy sharing about my private life (or my child’s), I would like to see more conversations and resources around how to travel with kids with special needs and what accomodations can be made available. Why? I think it can be so enriching for more parents and children with special needs to travel, but they won't travel unless we can make travel more accessible to everyone, regardless of ability.
Important note: My goal in writing about this topic is merely to share my experience of solo parenting and traveling with a child who has some sensory issues. I am very new to the world of neurodivergence and sensory processing disorder (SPD). In fact, I am learning as I go, mainly through the experience of interacting with loves ones and caring for my child. Because I am not a professional, nor is this blog researched-based, nothing written here is intended to be taken as advice or education on neurodiversity or SPD. It’s important to remember that neurodivergence and/or sensory issues differ from child to child. If you have any questions about your child, neurodivergence or sensory issues, please seek advice from a licensed health care provider.
